


Hold On

by Gallavich1012 (orphan_account)



Series: Moreid Oneshots [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Kisses, Love, M/M, Overdosing, Past Drug Addiction, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:21:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26204101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Gallavich1012
Summary: Spencer tells Derek he has been having suicidal thoughts and cravings for Dilaudid. He tried to brush it off like it wasn’t a big deal but when his lover confronts him about it he gets overwhelmed and rushes to the bathroom and locks himself inside with the drug.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Series: Moreid Oneshots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1925482
Comments: 5
Kudos: 76





	Hold On

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: attempted suicide, past drug addiction, drug relapse and drug overdose.
> 
> Song: _Hold On_ \- Chord Overstreet

_Loving and fighting_  
_Accusing, denying_

“Derek I don’t want to do this right now,” Spencer snapped walking out of the elevator and heading through the glass doors towards his desk. 

“Too bad, we need to talk. You can’t just say something like _that_ and not expect me to want to have a discussion,” Derek hissed following Reid closely. 

“Except it’s not just a discussion. You- you’re being judgemental and accusing me,” Spencer stuttered, Derek seemingly towering over him though they were basically the same height. 

“How can I accuse when _you’re_ the one that said you’ve been thinking about Dilaudid and suicide,” Derek growled quietly so no one else around would hear. 

_I can’t imagine a world with you gone_  
_The joy and the chaos, the demons we’re made of_  
_I’d be so lost if you left me alone_

“I- I didn’t say I wanted to kill myself I just said I’ve been having thoughts about it. And- and statistically people who go through withdrawals experience suicidal thoughts and tendencies-“ 

“Spencer, I don’t want to hear the statistics. Please just come and talk to me, I can’t lose you. We need to talk to Hotch about getting some time off to get you some help-“

“No, Derek! I don’t want to do that. Please, why can’t you just be there for me?” Spencer nearly cried, his eyes filled with tears of frustration as he grasped the straps of his satchel so hard his knuckles turned white. 

“Spencer, you have to tell Hotch and you do need help-“ 

“No, no, no, no, no,” Spencer shook his head backing away slowly from Derek and that’s when he realized the way he was holding the bag, like he was protecting it. 

“Do you have it on you now?” Derek asked calmly, his face falling when Spencer paused for a second. 

“Give it to me,” Derek nearly snarled, taking a step towards his boyfriend only for him to take another step back. 

“I- I- Derek, please-“ Spencer begged, his fight or flight instincts kicking in and he was running out of the bullpen. 

“Hotch!” Derek shouted, only vaguely seeing Hotch’s office door open before he was running after Spencer, catching a glimpse of him slamming the door to the bathroom. 

“Spencer- pretty boy, open the door!” Derek shouted, rattling the locked door. He could hear shuffling inside, what sounded like things being dumped on the floor and the unmistakable sound of crying. 

“Derek, what’s going on?” Hotch asked as he ran up. 

“Spencer, open the damn door!” Derek yelled, pounding against the wood, the cries inside turning into hysterical sobs. 

“Derek! What the hell is going on?” Hotch demanded turning him away from the door. 

“Spencer, he said he’s been having cravings for Dilaudid and having suicidal thoughts. He somehow had it and when I told him to give it to me and he ran in here. Hotch- I- he- the doors locked and I heard him dumping out his bag-“ Derek was cut off by the sound of a loud thud and his heart almost physically burst through his chest. 

“Spencer,” He breathed, turning back to the door, hitting it once, then again and again. 

“Spencer! Open the door! Spencer, baby, answer me!” Derek nearly screamed As he pounded against the door, vaguely hearing other of his team members rushing over and asking what was going on. 

“Derek- Derek,” Hotch caught just attention, “Kick the door down,” 

Derek waited a moment to make sure he was serious. He turned quickly angling his body, bracing himself before kicking the door hard, it creaked but didn’t budge. He kicked it again harder and heard a crack. _I'm close, baby. I’m almost there._

_You locked yourself in the bathroom_  
_Lying on the floor when I break through_  
_I pull you in to feel your heartbeat_  
_Can you hear me screaming ‘Please, don’t leave me’_

One more forceful kick and the door was cracking away from the frame. The scene before him breaking his heart completely; the bathroom was a complete mess of everything that was in Spencer’s satchel and he laid there in the middle of the floor a vial and needle next to him. 

“No,” Derek breathed, dropping to his knees. He could hear the gasps behind him as he slowly reached to feel for a pulse, never taking his eyes away from the pale tear streaked face. 

“Hotch,” Derek’s voice broke, “Hotch, he doesn’t have a pulse,” He whispered, slowly rolling Spencer into his back and crouching over him. 

“JJ, call 911 now, tell them a federal agent is down and needs emergency medical attention,” As soon as the words left Hotch’s mouth something in Derek snapped. 

He couldn’t just wait, he tilted Spencer’s head back to open his airway before pressing his hands on top of each other in the middle of his chest, pushing hard and fast just like he was trained. After a few seconds he pulled away, pinching Spencer’s nose and pressing their mouth together, breathing into him. 

_Hold on I still want you_  
_Come back, I still need you_  
_Let me take your hand, I’ll make it right_  
_I swear to love you all my life_  
_Hold on, I still need you._

“Come on baby, come back to me. I’m not losing you,” Derek called out, looking down at Spencer’s slack face, he could almost believe he was just sleeping. 

“Ambulance is almost here,” JJ announced, her voice thick with emotion as she watched her best friend's lover giving him CPR. 

“Here that, baby? They’re almost here. You’re gonna be okay, you’re gonna be okay,” Derek cried, not noticing the tears falling down his cheeks to mix with the sweat that had beaded along his skin. 

“Paramedics!” A voice echoed down the hall and Hotch was rushing away to bring them to his agent. 

“What's his name? What happened here?” One of the medics asked, kneeling on the opposite side of Derek. 

“Dr. Spencer Reid, he’s overdosing on Dilaudid,” Hotch informed, his own eyes slightly teary at the thought of losing their youngest team member. 

“Sir, I need you to stop for just a moment,” The medic informed, Derek stopped immediately but was hesitant at pulling away. The sound of very very deep, shallow and labored breathing could be heard, the sound almost rattling from his throat. The second EMT immediately put a mask over Spencer’s mouth, pumping the bag at the end. 

“We need to get him to the hospital, now,” The medic ordered, the two working together to get him on the gurney. 

“I need to come with you,” Derek rushed out, grabbing Spencer’s hand and standing up once they hand him on the stretcher. 

“Who are you to the patient?” 

“His partner and his emergency contact,” Derek informed ready to argue with the medic if they told him that he couldn’t come. 

“Alright, we need to go now,” The medic nodded then they were moving quickly from the bathroom and down the hall. 

“We’ll meet you at the hospital, Derek,” Hotch’s called after him before turning to the team. 

_A long endless highway, you’re silent beside me_  
_Drivin’ a nightmare I can’t escape from_  
_Helplessly praying, the light isn’t fading_  
_Hiding the shock and the chill in my bones_

_They took you away on a table_  
_I pace back and forth as you lay still_  
_They pull you in to feel your heartbeat_  
_Can you hear me screaming ‘Please, don’t leave me’_

The drive to the hospital seemed to last forever as he sat by Spencer’s side and held it hand, willing him to wake up, to just open his eyes so Derek knew he was okay. He was barely keeping it together, the urge to break down verging on the edge of his mind but he had to be strong for Spencer. 

The medics took him straight to a room, a nurse coming to help them hook him up to and IV. The next thing Derek knew he was being pushed aside as Spencer’s shirt was opened, his chest just barely moving with each shallow breath as they hooked up to the machines. 

“Doctor Reid, can you hear me?” The doctor asked looking down at Spencer. 

“Derek?” The soft groan made Derek’s heart burst. 

“I’m right here, baby. I’m right, here,” Derek called, grabbing Spencer’s hand as he stepped between two nurses. 

“Sor- Sorry. I’m sorry,” Spencer whispered, weakly squeezing Derek’s hand. 

“Sh, you don’t need to apologize,” Derek shook his head. 

“I love you,” Spencer slurred trying to meet Derek’s eyes. 

“I love you, Spence- Spencer?” Derek nearly whined when his eyes rolled back and his grip went slack before the monitor let out a long slow beep and his hand was ripped from Spencer’s again. 

Derek’s back slammed against the wall as tears streamed down his face. _Please, don’t leave me, baby. I need you._ Derek stood there sobbing as they tried to revive his lover. His heart. His soul. His everything.

_Hold on I still want you_  
_Come back, I still need you._  
_Let me take your hand, I’ll make it right_  
_I swear to love you all my life_  
_Hold on, I still need you_

Derek was escorted from the room, to a room where his team, his family was already gathered and told to wait. How could he just wait when the one person he needed was in the other room dying. 

“How is he?” Garcia asked softly as the team walked up to him

“He’s uh- he flatlined,” Derek answered slowly, the words sounding foreign on his tongue, he heard Penelope’s gasp as he stumbled back against the wall sliding down to meet the floor harshly. 

“Derek?” Hotch called out, taking a step forward. 

“They’re trying to revive him. He woke up for a second he said- he said he was sorry and he loves me and then he just - and then he was just gone,” Derek cried, the words catching in his throat as he spoke. 

“Should we call Diana?” JJ asked, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. 

“Call the institute she stays at, let them know what’s going out but we shouldn’t tell her until we know Reid’s condition,” Hotch ordered. 

“I’ll handle it,” Rossi offered, he was the most composed, not that he wasn’t worried but Morgan was in no place to call, Hotch was watching out for Morgan and Emily was comforting both Penelope and JJ. He just looked around at his team sadly before walking out, praying they wouldn’t be making any notifications to Diana anytime soon. 

_I don't wanna let go_  
_I know I'm not that strong_  
_I just wanna hear you_  
_Saying baby, let's go home_  
_Let's go home_  
_Yeah, I just wanna take you home_

When the doctor finally came in asking for the family of Spencer Reid it had felt like hours later. They were informed he was okay and the doctor led them back. Everyone agreed Derek should go in first while they waited outside. 

“Oh, baby boy,” Derek whispered, pushing his hair back off of his forehead. 

“I’m here, baby, I’m not going anywhere. Just wake up so I can take you home,” Derek breathed, his chin wobbling as the tears finally fell from his eyes. His knees gave out and he collapsed next to the bed, gripping Spencer’s hand as he sobbed into the covers. The team could see into the room from outside trying their best to give them privacy but there wasn’t a single dry eye seeing Derek break down by Spencer’s bed. 

“Derek?” The groggy slur had Derek’s head popping up and a hand gripped his. He had moved from the floor to the chair and the team was in the waiting room right across the hall, each of them having come in over the past few hours to check on them. 

“Oh, you're awake,” Derek sniffled, shifting to sit on the edge of the bed. 

“How are you feeling? Do you want me to get the nurse?” Derek asked going to stand up but that oh so familiar hand had him in a death grip. 

“Please, don’t leave me! I- I’m sorry,” Spencer whimpered, his bottom lip wobbling and his big brown eyes filled with tears. 

“Hey, I’m not leaving you, baby. I’m not ever gonna leave you,” Derek promised sitting back beside him. 

“But I almost left you,” Spencer whispered, tearing his eyes away from Derek, but he wasn't gonna have it, grabbing his jaw softly and turning his face back. 

“We all have demons, Spencer. I’m here for you always, forever. Next time you ever, and I mean ever, feel this way you come to me. You let me help you, that’s why I’m here. I love you so much, baby,” The tears had started falling down Spencer’s cheeks as Derek spoke and he couldn’t help but grab Spencer’s face and kiss him, slow and deep. 

“I wanna go home, Derek,” Spencer cried, holding Derek close. 

“I know, baby, I’ll take you home.” He promised. 

_Hold on, I still want you_  
_Come back, I still need you_


End file.
